I Hereby Declare Tuesdays My Enemy
Here I sit in my home office at 6 am on a Thursday morning. It’s day two of unemployment and while I would normally be struggling to get myself out of bed and into the shower, I am wide awake. I don’t have anywhere to be until 1:30 this afternoon so I am taking this as a sign from my brain to write this post. After all, no matter how much I would like for this post to write itself, it’s not gonna happen.
you’ve been living under a rock you didn’t hear, I was struck by a car last Tuesday and it broke my tailbone. I’ve been healing since but as many of you know, this will not be a speedy process. It will be months of simply being unable to get comfortable. Granted, it’s a bit better this week than it was last week and will continue to improve every day. All I can do is give it time (and sit on my donut, ice it and take ibuprofen like candy). This Tuesday I got into work after a relaxing 3 day weekend. I wore a new outfit – a sweater dress and leggings (my first foray into leggings. Until my tailbone made jeans terribly uncomfortable I was against leggings. Not so much anymore! FF says I get a free pass for now because of my tailbone but he’s still not a big fan. I can guarantee anyone who wears a pair for one day will be hooked as they are SOOOOO comfy!). Things in the office were quiet and at 10am I headed to a meeting. At 10:55 the HR Director pulled me out and asked to chat. She brought me up to my boss’s office where there was another manager as well. And she let me know that I was being let go – for breach of trust.
I was devastated but determined to keep it together. This situation is hard enough on all involved, no point in me losing my shit all over the place just making it harder – I mean, it wasn’t gonna change the situation. So I quietly packed up my desk, grabbed my last paycheck and walked out to the cab they had called for me. I tried to take it as gracefully as I possibly could. I would say this came as a surprise, and it did, but I had some warning. I also have been silently anxious for the last 6-8 weeks about my job. I didn’t know why. I didn’t even tell FF until after my termination. I figured I had just been worrying unnecessarily – after all, it’s not like that’s a new thing for me 🙂
My job was in the planning department for a company that produces and manufactures cosmetics (mostly lip gloss and lip balm). Last Thursday I was on my way out the door when I noticed a new product sitting in the reception area. We keep a treasure chest out there filled with seconds – products that are safe to use but usually there are some aesthetic flaws that prevent us from sending us to the customer to sell. This company has a high standard for quality – one of the many things that may have driven me nuts at times, but I was proud of being a part of. Anyway, there were some buckets of product next to the receptionist’s desk. Her job is to separate what can go out as seconds and what has to be put away (we can’t get seconds until the product is on store shelves so sometimes we put the seconds-to-be in storage for weeks or even months). I had seen some new baby sunscreen on a lot of people’s desk so I grabbed 2 tubes while I was waiting for my ride.
On Friday, the HR Director pulled me into my boss’s boss’s office. She let me know those were not to be taken. I apologized and offered to return them – I hadn’t opened them or used them. The problem was there was a new, VERY hot product that had also come up missing. I’m the only one in the video in that area during when the tubes were delivered and when they were noticed missing. I assured her I didn’t even know what that product looked like but promised to take a look when I got home and call her. There was none at home so I called immediately to let her know.
So that’s why I lost my job. If I had taken that lipgloss, I think it’s pretty clear I wouldn’t have a problem admitting I had it, apologizing and returning it. But I didn’t take it. You can’t see inside the buckets on the video – you just see me grabbing something. So they can’t prove that I took it (or that it was even all there when the buckets were delivered from a different department), but I can’t prove I can’t. Classic he said she said. Bummer
I feel incredibly hurt. I had been with this company for almost 3 years. They are an amazing company to work for – great benefits (health insurance, gym membership), good people and a wonderful workplace atmosphere. I suffered 2 years in a job there where I felt overwhelmed, overworked, underpaid and way underappreciated. So last April I applied for a job in a different department (a lateral move – but a move nonetheless) and I got it. And I had been soooo much happier since. And now, this.
Luckily we received a bonus check last week. I was planning on using it to get my license back but now we’ll have it for April’s rent if we need it. I hope we don’t but at least we know we’re good for two months. I submitted an unemployemnt claim yesterday and I applied for help from the state with my health insurance. Today I have to e-mail some people and tell them I lost my job so I won’t be starting that auto insurance policy/taking a vacation to North Carolina/be able to afford that surprise party. I know people will understand but I don’t want pity. I don’t do well with pity.
This isn’t my first time being unemployed, and I will be realistic and say it won’t be my last. I spent that day eating my feelings and drowning my sorrows. Yesterday was taking care of the necessities. Today I rest and enjoy spending the day with Mamacita and tomorrow I get back to it by revamping my resume. Luckily I love social media/social networking so I am hoping I already have enough feelers out there that I can find something relatively quickly. But I’m not gonna settle for the first thing that falls in my lap. You spend 40+ hours a week working,. That’s more than some people spend sleeping or with their families. I want it to be a job I will enjoy that will challenge me and with a company I believe in. I am excited about the possibility. I’m keeping my head up because although I’m ashamed of the reason for my discharge, I know I am innocent and I know something good will come of this. I have a lot of work ahead of me for sure as I pull my resume together and email it to a million different people. At the same time, I am looking forward to some time off. I just hope it’s not too much time.
Of course I’ll take time to pad around the house in FF’s robe, tweet from the couch, eat junk food & watch the Nate Berkus show. I’ll reorganize the linen closet and sort through old clothes. But these will be the rewards for the hard work of finding a new job. I will be networking and emailing and writing. But I will enjoy this new job description when possible. I will allow myself the time I need to return to the workforce rested, relaxed, refreshed, recharged and most importantly, refocused. This tragedy is nothing more than a new opportunity playing hide and seek. I know all the hiding places and I won’t leave a single stone unturned. XO