Bravery & Courage
I’m so glad yesterday’s post was well received and I feel like y’all got me. I was afraid it would come across as a “woe is me” piece or that it would seem as if I was pining for Ginger. I’m so thankful dear readers. For you and for your kind words. With that said, here’s a stream of consciousness post. It was written while watching the movie, “Crazy Sexy Cancer.” I was incredibly moved and felt the need to share so much with you. I plan on writing more about the movie – what it was about, my thoughts and feelings and how I’m trying to change my mindset about diabetes. But then yesterday’s post happened. And so many people commented on being brave to post it. I was boggled. I didn’t feel brave. Honestly, I felt smothered by my feelings and had to express them. So here are my thoughts about bravery, and what it means to me:
Some people comment that they think I am strong. Every human is fighting their own battle every day that requires their own personal strength. Some people’s battles are simply more visible than others. Some people think they know pain and when catastrophe happens they realize they would trade “old pain” for “new pain” any day of the week. But there will always be someone who’s pain is greater than yours – whose sheer existence requires a stronger will to live than others. But one can never compare their pain to another’s. I can never say to anyone, “My diabetes make my life so damn hard that you can’t even begin to imagine.” Because unless you have diabetes? You don’t know what the pain is like. Same with cancer, dealing with food allergies, going through a divorce/break up or experiencing the death of a loved one. Pain sucks. Period. We all deal with it. Why cause more anguish by telling them that their pain is shit compared to theirs? That’s like telling someone who has fallen a 20 story building that they’ve only hit an awning and then there is another 50 stories to fall before it’s over. Never remind someone that is hurting that it can get worse. That leaves no incentive to fight to make it better. But always know that when you’re hurting, people will surround you and lift you up if you let them. And also remember, there are people hurting ever day. Be gentle to one another.
So it probably doesn’t make much sense right? But to me I just feel like everyone is strong in their own right. People tell me “I admire you, I couldn’t give myself shots.” Well, you could and you WOULD if your life depended on it. I appreciate what you’re saying and yes, it warms my heart to know that people realize that diabetes is a serious thing. While so many assume you can just take insulin injections and be fine – you all know what a daily (and sometimes hourly!) battle it can be. But I am not brave, I am living life. I admire people who go to college, have their dream job, who raise children, make music, write etc. All of those things take stregth, courage and bravery. Yesterday’s post kind of exploded through my fingertips and wrote itself. This is my outlet. It’s where I come when I have something to say. And knowing that I have awesome people reading and commenting makes it so much easier. So even if this makes little sense, it’s my way of thanking everyone who reads, whether you comment or not, for giving me a safe outlet for my feelings. Whether they are happy or sad, angry or excited you are coming and reading regardless. And I am so grateful. Again, I am just so overwhelmed with the responses yesterday via the comments and twitter and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. XO